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morleyroarlyI needed that.
Stargaze 16 was this weekend up in Tahoe, at the Willis Estate (yes,
the former mansion of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore). Complete with a
bathroom the size of our living room and dining room combined, jacuzzi
on the patio, master bedroom aka main sound system room with a four
poster bed, and most importantly an AMAZING group of friends.
The weekend began on Wednesday night with my arrival at SFO.
HeatherLyn met me at the airport and we BARTed back to her lovely
little cottage in Berkeley. She fed me yummy homemade chicken stew and
bread, and we fell sound asleep.
Thursday I had breakfast with Eli, then lunch with Matt at ILM
(goddamn, what a cool place to wander around!). Colin picked me up at
the gates to the Presidio and we drove up into the Marin Headlands for
an afternoon wander. The weather in San Francisco was simply AMAZING
the whole time I was there, in the 60s and 70s with clear skies and
amazing visibility. After wandering the headlands, Colin and I headed
to the Haight for some retail therapy ($8 red vinyl pants and $50
carved shell 12 gauge earrings!). Then, home to his place in the outer
sunset to watch Chinatown and eat yummy Thai food.
Colin and I had a lovely time together, relaxing and enjoying each
others company. My only real regret for my time with Colin is that I
was still reeling from the transition to being back in the bay area,
and I was pretty negative about Pittsburgh. I was raising a lot of
doubts about whether I want to stay in Pittsburgh, whether things are
working with Tom, etc. While it's good to be honest with Colin about
how things are going, I'm a bit sad that he got such a negative view
of my experiences here in PGH. I guess I needed to get that stuff out
in the open, though. It's part of what I'm dealing with, and I
appreciate his willingness to listen. It must be hard for him to hear
about how difficult things can be in PGH, particularly when things
were so great for me in San Francisco.
At any rate, after spending Thursday night and Friday morning with
Colin, we headed to the east bay to pick up a car from my cousin
Morley and to meet up with Tom for lunch. We had yummy Cafe Intermezzo
salads+soups+sammiches, and then Tom and I bid our farewells and
headed up to Stargaze.
Stargaze.. stargaze.. where to begin? Friday was rough, honestly. I
was cranky and depressed and stressed out, and it was difficult trying
to figure out how to balance hanging out with Tom and introducing him
to people while also allowing myself enough time to hang out with
folks one-on-one.
Saturday brought a morning bath in the master bathroom - Tom and I
curled up in the bubbles together and generally relaxed. We both
really needed it, and it was really nice to be able to just chill
together. Photos forthcoming :)
After our bath we joined folks for a wonderful hike up into the
mountains and the snow, singing songs and enjoying the sunshine. It
was lovely to get out into nature. I think that's something Stargaze
has been lacking of late. Tom has ideas about planning more outdoors
stuff for the next SG, hooray!
After the hike we returned to the mansion and I relaxed in the jacuzzi
while Tom went on a second hike with some of the boys. By Saturday
afternoon we were much more relaxed and settled in, and Saturday night
unfolded beautifully.
We met up with our good friends Lucy and Eleanor for the evening. I
began the evening lying on the floor with Lucy, sobbing my heart out
and going through a bit of an identity crisis. I needed it. I've been
so overwhelmed with all the changes lately. It was good to have an
opportunity to just be alone and think about everything that has
changed, everything I've been through.
After getting that out of my system, I was able to really focus on
being with Tom and all of my other wonderful SG friends, and the
evening was really, really wonderful. Tom and I had a chance to
reconnect, he met some of my favoritest friends and connected with
some SG people, and the slideshow was memory-tastic. One of the
highlights for me was talking to Surya, remembering times together in
the past and missing friends (like NARU in particular!). Surya has
grown into such an amazing guy in the past few years, and it made me
very happy to hear about everything he's up to. It also made me really
happy when Surya told Tom that he loves me and is happy that we've
found each other.
Tom and I finally crawled into bed together around 6am, blissful and
exhausted. Having the chance to spend relaxing fun time together,
outside of Pittsburgh, was something I think we really needed both
individually and as a couple. A true vacation! It gave us the chance
to meet and connect on more of an even keel (Pittsburgh has been
overwhelming and unbalanced, what with me just moving there and Tom
owning the house etc.).
Sunday morning came too fast, and before we knew it we were back in
the car, headed out of the mountains towards the bay. Sunday night
brought a quick visit to Motown folks, then dinner with Matt and Alice
and an early bedtime. Monday I hung out with Krispy and wandered in
Tilden Park, had tea and good chill conversation with Heather, and had
dinner with cousin Morley and her friend and Tom. Morley drove us to
the airport, and after an all-too-short red-eye with fitful sleep, I
went straight to work yesterday. Yeehaw! The fun don't stop.
And so, here I am, Wednesday after a crazy Saturday night, trying to
incorporate everything that I learned and all the good memories from
my all-too-brief time in San Francisco. I miss the city, but at the
same time I was happy to return home yesterday evening after work. I'm
really settling into Pittsburgh.
Last night, to be honest, was a bit rough - Tom and I were both so
exhausted and drained that we were a bit edgy (at least, I was) and we
managed to eat dinner, watch some Battlestar Galactica, and head to
bed. We're working on that whole "quality time" thing but it can be
difficult, what with both of us being busy at work. It can be hard to
wind down at the end of the day and just be together without being
stressed about work. It's all the more difficult when one of us is
relaxed and one of us isn't, or when one of us is focused on time
together and one of us is scattered. Still, despite things being kind
of fussy last night, we were able to talk about it in an open way, and
I think we learned from it. I just hope we can take the good vibes
from Stargaze and carry them forward into our lives together. I want
to remain in this good mood, not crash into frustration again!
And with that, it's time to edit a report. Smooches...
Stargaze 16 was this weekend up in Tahoe, at the Willis Estate (yes,
the former mansion of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore). Complete with a
bathroom the size of our living room and dining room combined, jacuzzi
on the patio, master bedroom aka main sound system room with a four
poster bed, and most importantly an AMAZING group of friends.
The weekend began on Wednesday night with my arrival at SFO.
HeatherLyn met me at the airport and we BARTed back to her lovely
little cottage in Berkeley. She fed me yummy homemade chicken stew and
bread, and we fell sound asleep.
Thursday I had breakfast with Eli, then lunch with Matt at ILM
(goddamn, what a cool place to wander around!). Colin picked me up at
the gates to the Presidio and we drove up into the Marin Headlands for
an afternoon wander. The weather in San Francisco was simply AMAZING
the whole time I was there, in the 60s and 70s with clear skies and
amazing visibility. After wandering the headlands, Colin and I headed
to the Haight for some retail therapy ($8 red vinyl pants and $50
carved shell 12 gauge earrings!). Then, home to his place in the outer
sunset to watch Chinatown and eat yummy Thai food.
Colin and I had a lovely time together, relaxing and enjoying each
others company. My only real regret for my time with Colin is that I
was still reeling from the transition to being back in the bay area,
and I was pretty negative about Pittsburgh. I was raising a lot of
doubts about whether I want to stay in Pittsburgh, whether things are
working with Tom, etc. While it's good to be honest with Colin about
how things are going, I'm a bit sad that he got such a negative view
of my experiences here in PGH. I guess I needed to get that stuff out
in the open, though. It's part of what I'm dealing with, and I
appreciate his willingness to listen. It must be hard for him to hear
about how difficult things can be in PGH, particularly when things
were so great for me in San Francisco.
At any rate, after spending Thursday night and Friday morning with
Colin, we headed to the east bay to pick up a car from my cousin
Morley and to meet up with Tom for lunch. We had yummy Cafe Intermezzo
salads+soups+sammiches, and then Tom and I bid our farewells and
headed up to Stargaze.
Stargaze.. stargaze.. where to begin? Friday was rough, honestly. I
was cranky and depressed and stressed out, and it was difficult trying
to figure out how to balance hanging out with Tom and introducing him
to people while also allowing myself enough time to hang out with
folks one-on-one.
Saturday brought a morning bath in the master bathroom - Tom and I
curled up in the bubbles together and generally relaxed. We both
really needed it, and it was really nice to be able to just chill
together. Photos forthcoming :)
After our bath we joined folks for a wonderful hike up into the
mountains and the snow, singing songs and enjoying the sunshine. It
was lovely to get out into nature. I think that's something Stargaze
has been lacking of late. Tom has ideas about planning more outdoors
stuff for the next SG, hooray!
After the hike we returned to the mansion and I relaxed in the jacuzzi
while Tom went on a second hike with some of the boys. By Saturday
afternoon we were much more relaxed and settled in, and Saturday night
unfolded beautifully.
We met up with our good friends Lucy and Eleanor for the evening. I
began the evening lying on the floor with Lucy, sobbing my heart out
and going through a bit of an identity crisis. I needed it. I've been
so overwhelmed with all the changes lately. It was good to have an
opportunity to just be alone and think about everything that has
changed, everything I've been through.
After getting that out of my system, I was able to really focus on
being with Tom and all of my other wonderful SG friends, and the
evening was really, really wonderful. Tom and I had a chance to
reconnect, he met some of my favoritest friends and connected with
some SG people, and the slideshow was memory-tastic. One of the
highlights for me was talking to Surya, remembering times together in
the past and missing friends (like NARU in particular!). Surya has
grown into such an amazing guy in the past few years, and it made me
very happy to hear about everything he's up to. It also made me really
happy when Surya told Tom that he loves me and is happy that we've
found each other.
Tom and I finally crawled into bed together around 6am, blissful and
exhausted. Having the chance to spend relaxing fun time together,
outside of Pittsburgh, was something I think we really needed both
individually and as a couple. A true vacation! It gave us the chance
to meet and connect on more of an even keel (Pittsburgh has been
overwhelming and unbalanced, what with me just moving there and Tom
owning the house etc.).
Sunday morning came too fast, and before we knew it we were back in
the car, headed out of the mountains towards the bay. Sunday night
brought a quick visit to Motown folks, then dinner with Matt and Alice
and an early bedtime. Monday I hung out with Krispy and wandered in
Tilden Park, had tea and good chill conversation with Heather, and had
dinner with cousin Morley and her friend and Tom. Morley drove us to
the airport, and after an all-too-short red-eye with fitful sleep, I
went straight to work yesterday. Yeehaw! The fun don't stop.
And so, here I am, Wednesday after a crazy Saturday night, trying to
incorporate everything that I learned and all the good memories from
my all-too-brief time in San Francisco. I miss the city, but at the
same time I was happy to return home yesterday evening after work. I'm
really settling into Pittsburgh.
Last night, to be honest, was a bit rough - Tom and I were both so
exhausted and drained that we were a bit edgy (at least, I was) and we
managed to eat dinner, watch some Battlestar Galactica, and head to
bed. We're working on that whole "quality time" thing but it can be
difficult, what with both of us being busy at work. It can be hard to
wind down at the end of the day and just be together without being
stressed about work. It's all the more difficult when one of us is
relaxed and one of us isn't, or when one of us is focused on time
together and one of us is scattered. Still, despite things being kind
of fussy last night, we were able to talk about it in an open way, and
I think we learned from it. I just hope we can take the good vibes
from Stargaze and carry them forward into our lives together. I want
to remain in this good mood, not crash into frustration again!
And with that, it's time to edit a report. Smooches...
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no subject
Date: 2007-02-21 04:55 pm (UTC)Tyler and I have been together for over four years now, lived together three and a half, and been married for two and a half, and we are still figuring out better ways of relating to each other. Marriage requires a lot of sacrifice. It's worth it because in learning how to relate to another person over a period of so much time, you learn what's important and how to be an adult. It's not easy, but then learning hard lessons never is.
Good luck working it out - trust me, it works. And you don't have to subvert yourself to do it. =]
I hear ya.
Date: 2007-02-21 06:56 pm (UTC)I had to keep reminding myself that when I was visiting Arizona, I was *on vacation*, and of course everything is going to be perfect! No job stress, my friends were all overjoyed to see me, people were extra-accomodating, I drove a sweet rental car, ate good food, I could do whatever I wanted during the day, I could come and go as I pleased. What's not to love?
It's so hard to look around your current town and see all the cool exploration-worthy things in your own backyard because we get so swept up with the mundane. Gotta go to work, gotta buy groceries, gotta clean the bathroom. Hell, I've lived in Delaware since 1999 and I've still never seen half of the cool stuff that's around here. Hello, Kalmar Nyckel? Mt. Cuba Observatory? All the museums and awesomeness that's 20 minutes away in Philly? Bleah! Gotta scrub the toilet-- no time. No wonder I hate it here.
In other news... Yeah, you're at a wee disadvantage moving into a home that wasn't purchased jointly. You always feel .0001% like a guest, or that the turf is uneven... this is his stuff, this is my stuff. That's hard. In my limited experience, that totally fades-- just takes time.
Oh, one more thing: I brought a then-boyfriend out to AZ for a visit once, and it was a major buzz-kill making sure he was comfy and entertained at all times (he was super-shy). Luckily Tom is the kind of guy who doesn't need a babysitter like that. :-)
yeah, what *she* said
Date: 2007-02-21 09:03 pm (UTC)I have friends that live in New York City, perhaps the only place in the US more awesome than SF. Every time I visit them, I'm amazed that they spend so much time busting their butts to afford to live there, while at the same time missing so much of what goes on because they're too tired from work. It's a terrible catch-22, and on of the reasons that I live here instead of there... because I can appreciate the city so much more on an occasional basis than I ever could manage to full-time.
BTW, I don't think marriage (or any relationship) should be considered a sacrifice... if it is, then it's not a healthy relationship. Sure, you might make sacrifices for the sake of a relationship, but if life is more rewarding as a result, then the relationship itself is anything but a sacrifice.
-- noise
no subject
Date: 2007-02-21 10:47 pm (UTC)"we were a bit edgy (at least, I was) and we managed to eat dinner, watch some Battlestar Galactica, and head to bed."
Liz and I have learned that we get pretty wound up by Battlestar Galactica, and we need to take the time to watch something funny afterwards. Something mindless before bedtime to take that edge back off. ("Kids in the Hall" has been a recent brain-cleansing favorite.) We dig the DVDs, but found that they stressed us out if we tried to watch a few episodes before retiring. Just mentioning it. It's made for better sleepytimes 'round our place.
Steve
no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 06:00 am (UTC)but interestingly, I know how you feel about moving into Tom's place. I moved into Emi's place last year and things were rough at first. i never felt I had space for my stuff. some stuff just didn't fit cuz she ever imagined it at her place (like a 60" TV...), also being REALLY far from my office (but not hers!) and generally feeling like a guest ALL the time.
slowly, things are working out. I threw out a LOT of stuff. started to share space with her (i.e. bookshelf and plugins for cell phones and stuff). it's been difficult for both of us. especially the "quality time"... when most of the time, you just want to be alone to relax... it kinda feels like a date that NEVER ends...
when emi or I feel like that, we just take time out for ourselves and do whatever for an hour or so. setting a time limit is key. you still get what you want done but you're also not running away from each other. that has really helped us out. I play video games, she watches anime. at that moment, it's almost like we're finally being ourselves in front of each other, not this "date" persona.
good luck and take it easy. ^_-